It has been way too long since I wrote in this blog......and in this year and a half a lot has changed....I changed jobs 3 times, had a bit of a meltdown in the summertime(no pun intended), and now I work as a dispatcher in a trucking company. Hoping this time things stick and I can be truly happy.
Lethbridge isn't so bad......now that I am closing in on a year and a half here. I do like being so close to my family, and the new friends I met. I do miss my old life in Calgary but I wouldn't go back because you can never go home again.
Home.....do I even have one? to paraphrase Neil Diamond, Lethbridge is fine, but it ain't home, Fernie's home but it ain't mine no more. I AM I SAAAAAAIID............sorry.....
I will endeavor to write in you more often because it gets things off my chest, and who knows, maybe someone will pay good money to hear my rambles someday........the ramblings of a madman? muahahahah
Snow.....it's snowing.....and people are talking about how blizzardy it is, when it's barely covering the ground.....come on, this is Canada....throw your toque on, blast some kim mitchell and lets go for a POP, not soda.
Anyways, this is all I can think of.......perhaps you can message me with some topic ideas, or maybe if I ever feel verklempt, you can talk amongst yourselves
Till then........
Wednesday, 16 November 2016
Sunday, 28 June 2015
Is this as good as it gets?
Readjusting, Regrouping, re-oh fuck it this whole thing sucks. Lol
After a bit of a setback I had spent the last 4 weeks living at home with my family. Which should be great. As I love my family more than anything. But....I'm also a 36 year old man who is very used to living alone and doing things my way. Don't get me wrong this is a very temporary situation and I do greatly appreciate my dad and stepmom casting a net for me as I fell out of the sky. However sometimes I wish they never bothered....
And it's not to say it's easy dealing with me either! If anything my family has been very patient. But it's the little things, the digs the dirty looks I'm not supposed to notice but I do. The talking behind my back. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around everyone and to me that isn't a home.
But they are trying. And I am trying and hopefully things align as they should and I can mosey out on my own soon. I think it's what we need. I miss going for coffee with my dad, or being able to just BS about nothing. And not tiptoeing around him because I'm suddenly a burden to him, a parasite. I just feel out of place here as everytime I try to help around the house it's wrong. Or I shouldn't have done it or it's always something. I have a tough skin but I'm getting a little tired of all of it.
I miss my family more now than I did when we were 2 hours away. And I am hoping when all this is said and done I don't lose them.
Saturday, 22 March 2014
Bullying
A few days ago a news story broke where a 9 year old boy was banned from bringing his My Little Pony backpack to school, on grounds that it would instigate bullies who can't see the concept that a boy would be a fan of this character, which is traditionally marketed towards little girls. My initial reaction was outrage. This kid, who is in the formative years of his life, is being told, in a humiliating, spirit crushing way, that he was wrong, not the bullies. All for bringing a backpack he chose into school, that wasn't hurting or offending anyone, but might have been a little different than what most of the boys in class would have. If a girl brought a transformer backpack to school, would anyone say a word? But it goes past all that. The real outrage is that the school more or less gave the power to the bullies.
Of course people started bringing sexual orientation into it. If this boy likes My Little Pony he must be gay and thus this is a homophobic attack. He's NINE! Maybe he will be gay, and maybe he won't be, but that has nothing to do with him being a fan of My Little Pony. A guy I used to work with was gay, and he liked gangsta rap and action movies. Stereotypes be damned, hey?
However, I am not looking at this objectively. I am a 35 year old, (I think) reasonably well-adjusted adult who is open minded to people and their differences, and it's been 26 years since I've been a 9 year old. But I do remember how it was. And so in recollection, would I have made fun of a boy in my class who brought a My Little Pony backpack to school?
I am ashamed to say I probably would have...and that's solely because I was too stupid and closed-minded to know better. The 35 year old me would be appalled to admit it, but the 9 year old me probably would've snickered or made tasteless remarks about it. That's bad enough in my opinion.
However, I also had parents who blamed me for bad grades, not my teachers....who gave me crap for acting up, because it was my fault, not anyone else's. If my Mom and Dad caught wind of me making fun of a kid for this reason, let's just say I would be taught a lesson in acceptance. In short I was taught accountability.
That's why I am not asking for the heads of the bullies like I saw a lot of people were. They are probably not terrible kids, just stupid and closed minded as I was. I grew up okay, and I'm sure most of the people who bullied me growing up did too. But this whole backpack thing did nothing but teach the bullies that it's okay to bully people they feel are different, and the boy with the backpack was taught that being different will only get you punished. Nobody wins in this situation.
So what would've been a better way to handle it?
Well, suppose I was their teacher. Would I ban the backpack? No. I would probably bring a My Little Pony backpack to school as well to prove a point to both the boy and the bullies. Hopefully I would teach them that coexisting in school is small potatoes compared to the real world, because in the real world, you will encounter everyone, of all shapes sizes, colours, and backpacks.
Of course people started bringing sexual orientation into it. If this boy likes My Little Pony he must be gay and thus this is a homophobic attack. He's NINE! Maybe he will be gay, and maybe he won't be, but that has nothing to do with him being a fan of My Little Pony. A guy I used to work with was gay, and he liked gangsta rap and action movies. Stereotypes be damned, hey?
However, I am not looking at this objectively. I am a 35 year old, (I think) reasonably well-adjusted adult who is open minded to people and their differences, and it's been 26 years since I've been a 9 year old. But I do remember how it was. And so in recollection, would I have made fun of a boy in my class who brought a My Little Pony backpack to school?
I am ashamed to say I probably would have...and that's solely because I was too stupid and closed-minded to know better. The 35 year old me would be appalled to admit it, but the 9 year old me probably would've snickered or made tasteless remarks about it. That's bad enough in my opinion.
However, I also had parents who blamed me for bad grades, not my teachers....who gave me crap for acting up, because it was my fault, not anyone else's. If my Mom and Dad caught wind of me making fun of a kid for this reason, let's just say I would be taught a lesson in acceptance. In short I was taught accountability.
That's why I am not asking for the heads of the bullies like I saw a lot of people were. They are probably not terrible kids, just stupid and closed minded as I was. I grew up okay, and I'm sure most of the people who bullied me growing up did too. But this whole backpack thing did nothing but teach the bullies that it's okay to bully people they feel are different, and the boy with the backpack was taught that being different will only get you punished. Nobody wins in this situation.
So what would've been a better way to handle it?
Well, suppose I was their teacher. Would I ban the backpack? No. I would probably bring a My Little Pony backpack to school as well to prove a point to both the boy and the bullies. Hopefully I would teach them that coexisting in school is small potatoes compared to the real world, because in the real world, you will encounter everyone, of all shapes sizes, colours, and backpacks.
Friday, 24 January 2014
A Bittersweet Anniversary
Friday, January 25, 2013
The day started like any other. Got my XL Triple Triple and Toasted blueberry bagel with butter, and headed off to work. I spent the previous two weeks running the shipping department to cover our shipper/receiver's vacation, and it was a gruelling two weeks! I was pretty excited going in as it was the last day. I got no indication at all that something was amiss, and suddenly we got an email from one of our owners. The "good news" was that our company was bought out, and unfortunately there would be "a few" cutbacks, but this would strengthen the brand and be better in the long run. An uneasy feeling came over me. I am a guy who is convinced I will be fired every time I have a review at work, so you can imagine how this sat with me. What made it even worse was that our production manager, my direct supervisor, looked like a ghost. Not talking to or making eye contact with anyone. I worked really closely with him especially for the last two years, and I took over a lot of his responsibilities and he really mentored me in my progress there. And he wouldn't say two words to me.....
Not really one to keep my mouth shut when I should, I endeavoured to find out what the hell was going on, but I didn't need to.....I got an email saying that there was an impromptu meeting in the lunchroom and to report there immediately. So the entire production staff, assemblers, buyers, service techs, inventory clerks, and this poster all filed nervously into the lunch room. Gord, one of our owner's and the managing president of the company, could barely choke back the words that, basically, not one of us would have a job after April 30th. The reactions varied from stunned shock, to bitter anger, to terrified panic. The Vice President of the company that bought us, along with his HR manager came in and, with maddening fake-sincerity, told us how valuable we were and thats why we were "invited" to stay on for 3 months to help with the transition. Of course not stated by him but in his documentation, was that to qualify to get our severance we HAD to work that 3 months, or we would forfeit it, along with our retiring bonus, and walk out with nothing. Most stayed, more out of financial security than of loyalty of a company we would soon no longer recognize. My Production Manager, told us all to forget whatever we were doing and just go home and figure things out for the weekend. And to do what was best for us and don't worry about the company's best interests. For him, it was many times worse than it was for us, because not only did he have to worry about himself and his family, he worried about us too.
The next 3 months were agonizing for all who stayed, as the new company never let us forget how expendable we were. I was put in charge of spearheading the Inventory changeover, which meant millions of dollars being bulk shipped to the United States. All while they micromanaged my every move. I can honestly say it was the most miserable time I've ever spent working, and I've washed dishes at a Chinese restaurant! The 3 months seemed to fly by and by the end, it felt like a death. I started there in 2006, just after they moved into their new building and were still very much in the process of building everything....now watching it all being dismantled before my eyes was a little hard to take. Still, the happiest I was there was when my friends Amanda and Elise worked there still.....both of them left by then and it didn't feel worth staying even a job was offered. I missed them a lot, especially towards the end when it felt like it was every sucker for themselves.
Now a year later, I am 8 months into another job for a similar company. While it does provide security, it's not a permanent thing and I am pursuing other jobs. My old company wasn't perfect, it drove me crazy more often than not, but it was home, and we felt like a family. I miss that...
The day started like any other. Got my XL Triple Triple and Toasted blueberry bagel with butter, and headed off to work. I spent the previous two weeks running the shipping department to cover our shipper/receiver's vacation, and it was a gruelling two weeks! I was pretty excited going in as it was the last day. I got no indication at all that something was amiss, and suddenly we got an email from one of our owners. The "good news" was that our company was bought out, and unfortunately there would be "a few" cutbacks, but this would strengthen the brand and be better in the long run. An uneasy feeling came over me. I am a guy who is convinced I will be fired every time I have a review at work, so you can imagine how this sat with me. What made it even worse was that our production manager, my direct supervisor, looked like a ghost. Not talking to or making eye contact with anyone. I worked really closely with him especially for the last two years, and I took over a lot of his responsibilities and he really mentored me in my progress there. And he wouldn't say two words to me.....
Not really one to keep my mouth shut when I should, I endeavoured to find out what the hell was going on, but I didn't need to.....I got an email saying that there was an impromptu meeting in the lunchroom and to report there immediately. So the entire production staff, assemblers, buyers, service techs, inventory clerks, and this poster all filed nervously into the lunch room. Gord, one of our owner's and the managing president of the company, could barely choke back the words that, basically, not one of us would have a job after April 30th. The reactions varied from stunned shock, to bitter anger, to terrified panic. The Vice President of the company that bought us, along with his HR manager came in and, with maddening fake-sincerity, told us how valuable we were and thats why we were "invited" to stay on for 3 months to help with the transition. Of course not stated by him but in his documentation, was that to qualify to get our severance we HAD to work that 3 months, or we would forfeit it, along with our retiring bonus, and walk out with nothing. Most stayed, more out of financial security than of loyalty of a company we would soon no longer recognize. My Production Manager, told us all to forget whatever we were doing and just go home and figure things out for the weekend. And to do what was best for us and don't worry about the company's best interests. For him, it was many times worse than it was for us, because not only did he have to worry about himself and his family, he worried about us too.
The next 3 months were agonizing for all who stayed, as the new company never let us forget how expendable we were. I was put in charge of spearheading the Inventory changeover, which meant millions of dollars being bulk shipped to the United States. All while they micromanaged my every move. I can honestly say it was the most miserable time I've ever spent working, and I've washed dishes at a Chinese restaurant! The 3 months seemed to fly by and by the end, it felt like a death. I started there in 2006, just after they moved into their new building and were still very much in the process of building everything....now watching it all being dismantled before my eyes was a little hard to take. Still, the happiest I was there was when my friends Amanda and Elise worked there still.....both of them left by then and it didn't feel worth staying even a job was offered. I missed them a lot, especially towards the end when it felt like it was every sucker for themselves.
Now a year later, I am 8 months into another job for a similar company. While it does provide security, it's not a permanent thing and I am pursuing other jobs. My old company wasn't perfect, it drove me crazy more often than not, but it was home, and we felt like a family. I miss that...
Saturday, 21 December 2013
A Christmas Memory
I always get a little reflective during this time of year. I will hear a Christmas song, or see a certain thing, and it will immediately bring be back to a certain Christmas of my past....so I decided to go to my Blog and reflect on a Christmas from 30 years ago that stood out for some reason or another.
Christmas 1983 (4 years old): My memories of this is a bit cloudy, obviously as look at how old I was! But this is how I remember it, but it may not be exactly as it happened, but it does stand out...
My Grandmother passed away months earlier, and nonetheless my Grandfather still had everyone over for Christmas in his old house on Ritchie Street in Kimberley. At the time, I was the youngest cousin, and the only boy, so I was kind of doing my own thing as my older cousins Colleen and Candace, were doing girl stuff that I wasn't privy to. Grandpa abruptly decided to excuse himself from the party so he could go outside and "shovel", which seemed legit enough as it was Kimberley and it was most likely snowing. Suddenly out of the carport came "Santa Claus".... my cousins acted like they just saw The Beatles coming off the plane. So were all the grown ups(though in hindsight it was just probably to humour us kiddies, so it was probably in a wink wink nudge nudge way), and here I was, in my own way, calling bullshit. I knew immediately that it was Grandpa in disguise, why didn't my cousins? Or the grownups for that matter?? I want to say I held it close to the chest, patiently bided my time then confronted him over it in private, but knowing me and how bigmouthed I was(I know...was??) I probably babbled that I knew who he was as soon as I saw him. When it came time to sit on "Santa's" knee and receive my goodie bag (in an old school Overwaitea paper bag, no less!), I whispered to him that his secret was safe and I wouldn't tell anyone, even though I probably already did. He studied my face and smiled and patted my head. I left, feeling like I was "let in on it" and happily went on my merry way. My Mom asked jokingly if I was being a troublemaker(me? Never!) and I said no, me and Santa had a very nice chat. And I watched as my aunts, uncles, even my Mom seemed completely oblivious that this was freaking Grandpa in disguise!!! Grandpa should've been a secret agent I think.
Sure enough, as soon as Santa left, Grandpa conveniently came back and was disappointed that he just missed him.....just like Clark Kent. Though Santa made sure to leave him a nice new pair of gloves, so not all was lost:)
Maybe I will write another memory if one strikes me, but I hope if you read this one, you get a good chuckle, or maybe relate to it in some way. Till then, have a very Merry Christmas!
Saturday, 30 November 2013
Saying goodbye a little later than I should have
This time of year has always been a little bittersweet....I am excited for the holidays, and to see my family. I am my happiest when I am home with them. But it also marks a sad anniversary. I'm going to get a little longwinded on this one....but maybe telling this story will help me with some closure...
I first met Tara in May 2006. My life, at the time, was a complete mess. I bounced from job to job, and to make ends meet I moved in with some friends of mine who recently married and bought a house. One night a few days into my new digs, amid checking my mail to see if any bites for potential job leads came up, I got an email from a dating site that a friend ill advisedly suggested I try. With the state of my affairs at the time the last thing I needed or wanted was a relationship...but nonetheless I was intrigued by her email. She was 22, she had no picture, which she explained away as "not knowing how to upload one!" (which I found out later that she was right she was the least tech savvy person I knew). But she had a very nice, sincere, friendly message and I was interested in getting to know her better. So we agreed to meet, at a Shoppers Drug Mart, of all places...when she pulled up I had no idea what to expect. When I first saw her, the cartoon hearts were all around me. She had these gorgeous big green eyes, a cute, impish little smile and long curly brown hair. She shyly said hi, are you Brad? And I barely stammered an affirmative and we both went to find a coffee shop nearby. The Tims was ridiculously busy (which is strange for a Saturday night), so we took our coffees to go and went to a park....we talked about everything for what was hours and seemed like minutes. by the end we were holding hands and cuddling up on the bench together. I got home on cloud 9, and also found out I got a job I applied for and had an interview with. That job I would be at for 7 years but thats another story....
So for the next bit me and Tara dated. We had our ups and downs as we both had a huge amount of baggage at the time, and finally we decided to break up, but be friends.....she ended up going back to her ex and I had a very difficult time accepting that. So after several weeks of embarrassing myself by pulling out all the stops to get her back, we just mutually decided to go our separate ways for good...
...which turned out to be about 9 months. I just moved back into my own place and a mutual friend of mine and Taras said she was asking about me and wanted to see if I wanted to meet up. We did and I was floored by how she changed physically. She lost a lot of weight(she was never a bigger girl to begin with but she was super skinny), she had long straight blonde hair and blue contacts. Still she had that beautiful smile I fell in love with. Her conservative clothes were replaced by short skirts and tight jeans. We ended up hanging out a lot, and some drama happened where she was staying and she ended up moving in with me. Which was a bad idea, considering I was still in love with her, and I was her buddy. Tara admitted later she wanted it both ways. She loved me and wanted to be with me, but she felt as though she ruins everything, and I was better off without her. Nonetheless we were inseparable, and did everything together, mostly acting as a couple even if we weren't one. Then she met her future husband, and I admit, I felt like she stopped caring about me completely, which is a byproduct of all new relationships. You lose sight quickly, I know I've done it. He was around all the time, watching my TV, using my computer, and I felt third wheeled in my own apartment. And finally it ended, and ended ugly. I kicked them both out one night and, after a huge loud argument, we once again went our separate ways....
Several months later I got one of her T4s in the mail. I awkwardly emailed her, because the last time we talked the words exchanged were not kind. I asked where she would like me to send it to and she said the address, and that i was good to hear from me....I tersely thanked her and wished her well. But one day a bit later she showed up and insisted we go for coffee. We talked about everything, how she was doing, how I was doing, etc, and while it was very low-key, we were on at least speaking terms again. A year later(this was 2009), she got married, and while I didn't want to go, I did. That kind of closed the book on my romantic thoughts I had about her, but I still loved her. We became good friends again and I even became friends with her husband for a time. When I had my fire in early 2011, they took me in and let me stay with them until I had my own place. By this time, Tara had another baby, and was in pretty bad shape health wise. See she had a rare blood disease and it did a lot of damage to her heart. She put on a lot of weight and was very self conscious about it, and always worried her husband wasn't being faithful to her, but I always assured her that he was a good guy and he loved her for who she was.
Two years ago today, I was having dinner with the person I was dating at the time, when I got repeated calls from Tara's cell....I shrugged them off and kept eating. We had a minor disagreement on Thanksgiving a month prior and we haven't really talked since. But it was her husband, saying that Tara had a massive stroke and it was unlikely she would survive. She's on life support but her brain is pretty much non functioning. I felt the wind come out of my body, and I did what I always do....I walled up and pretended it wasn't a big deal. I calmly asked if there was anything I could do, and he said no, but if I want to say goodbye I should.....
I didn't.....
Two weeks later she passed away peacefully at the age of 27. I got the text from her husband in the middle of the night telling me, and I casually mentioned it to Terri (my girlfriend at the time), and she said she was so sorry. I felt numb and said lets go for breakfast. She later said she was taken aback by how aloof and detached I was(and was one of the reasons we broke up), and in hindsight I kind of am as well. But its how I deal with these things.....I was firmly in denial and didn't even go to her funeral. Her husband understood, and said everything will be just fine on his end. That was the last time I also talked to him. Some issues arisen shortly after her death that made me realize how stupid I was to trust him, and while I don't hate him, there is no place for him in my life.
One night I was going through my old mail. It was about a week or so before christmas, and I saw an email from Tara.....sent maybe 3 weeks before her stroke. She said she was sorry and she wanted to go for coffee to talk because she missed me. That was the moment I fell apart. I am not ashamed to admit I cried all night.
I never got a chance to say goodbye to her, and I regret every chance we could've spent together but didn't. Life is too short to get caught up in petty bullshit. I miss Tara every single day and while I don't mention her much, I think about her. Hoping she somehow knows I'm sorry. Mostly I wish she would just show up, no questions asked, at my door and make me go to Tim Hortons with her.
So....I changed my mind. I still don't want to say goodbye, I will just smile and know somewhere she is keeping an eye on me. Giving me dirty looks when I eat 7-11 hot dogs, complaining her feet are cold and I can't involuntarily warm them up like I used to.
I miss you a lot Tarbear!
I first met Tara in May 2006. My life, at the time, was a complete mess. I bounced from job to job, and to make ends meet I moved in with some friends of mine who recently married and bought a house. One night a few days into my new digs, amid checking my mail to see if any bites for potential job leads came up, I got an email from a dating site that a friend ill advisedly suggested I try. With the state of my affairs at the time the last thing I needed or wanted was a relationship...but nonetheless I was intrigued by her email. She was 22, she had no picture, which she explained away as "not knowing how to upload one!" (which I found out later that she was right she was the least tech savvy person I knew). But she had a very nice, sincere, friendly message and I was interested in getting to know her better. So we agreed to meet, at a Shoppers Drug Mart, of all places...when she pulled up I had no idea what to expect. When I first saw her, the cartoon hearts were all around me. She had these gorgeous big green eyes, a cute, impish little smile and long curly brown hair. She shyly said hi, are you Brad? And I barely stammered an affirmative and we both went to find a coffee shop nearby. The Tims was ridiculously busy (which is strange for a Saturday night), so we took our coffees to go and went to a park....we talked about everything for what was hours and seemed like minutes. by the end we were holding hands and cuddling up on the bench together. I got home on cloud 9, and also found out I got a job I applied for and had an interview with. That job I would be at for 7 years but thats another story....
So for the next bit me and Tara dated. We had our ups and downs as we both had a huge amount of baggage at the time, and finally we decided to break up, but be friends.....she ended up going back to her ex and I had a very difficult time accepting that. So after several weeks of embarrassing myself by pulling out all the stops to get her back, we just mutually decided to go our separate ways for good...
...which turned out to be about 9 months. I just moved back into my own place and a mutual friend of mine and Taras said she was asking about me and wanted to see if I wanted to meet up. We did and I was floored by how she changed physically. She lost a lot of weight(she was never a bigger girl to begin with but she was super skinny), she had long straight blonde hair and blue contacts. Still she had that beautiful smile I fell in love with. Her conservative clothes were replaced by short skirts and tight jeans. We ended up hanging out a lot, and some drama happened where she was staying and she ended up moving in with me. Which was a bad idea, considering I was still in love with her, and I was her buddy. Tara admitted later she wanted it both ways. She loved me and wanted to be with me, but she felt as though she ruins everything, and I was better off without her. Nonetheless we were inseparable, and did everything together, mostly acting as a couple even if we weren't one. Then she met her future husband, and I admit, I felt like she stopped caring about me completely, which is a byproduct of all new relationships. You lose sight quickly, I know I've done it. He was around all the time, watching my TV, using my computer, and I felt third wheeled in my own apartment. And finally it ended, and ended ugly. I kicked them both out one night and, after a huge loud argument, we once again went our separate ways....
Several months later I got one of her T4s in the mail. I awkwardly emailed her, because the last time we talked the words exchanged were not kind. I asked where she would like me to send it to and she said the address, and that i was good to hear from me....I tersely thanked her and wished her well. But one day a bit later she showed up and insisted we go for coffee. We talked about everything, how she was doing, how I was doing, etc, and while it was very low-key, we were on at least speaking terms again. A year later(this was 2009), she got married, and while I didn't want to go, I did. That kind of closed the book on my romantic thoughts I had about her, but I still loved her. We became good friends again and I even became friends with her husband for a time. When I had my fire in early 2011, they took me in and let me stay with them until I had my own place. By this time, Tara had another baby, and was in pretty bad shape health wise. See she had a rare blood disease and it did a lot of damage to her heart. She put on a lot of weight and was very self conscious about it, and always worried her husband wasn't being faithful to her, but I always assured her that he was a good guy and he loved her for who she was.
Two years ago today, I was having dinner with the person I was dating at the time, when I got repeated calls from Tara's cell....I shrugged them off and kept eating. We had a minor disagreement on Thanksgiving a month prior and we haven't really talked since. But it was her husband, saying that Tara had a massive stroke and it was unlikely she would survive. She's on life support but her brain is pretty much non functioning. I felt the wind come out of my body, and I did what I always do....I walled up and pretended it wasn't a big deal. I calmly asked if there was anything I could do, and he said no, but if I want to say goodbye I should.....
I didn't.....
Two weeks later she passed away peacefully at the age of 27. I got the text from her husband in the middle of the night telling me, and I casually mentioned it to Terri (my girlfriend at the time), and she said she was so sorry. I felt numb and said lets go for breakfast. She later said she was taken aback by how aloof and detached I was(and was one of the reasons we broke up), and in hindsight I kind of am as well. But its how I deal with these things.....I was firmly in denial and didn't even go to her funeral. Her husband understood, and said everything will be just fine on his end. That was the last time I also talked to him. Some issues arisen shortly after her death that made me realize how stupid I was to trust him, and while I don't hate him, there is no place for him in my life.
One night I was going through my old mail. It was about a week or so before christmas, and I saw an email from Tara.....sent maybe 3 weeks before her stroke. She said she was sorry and she wanted to go for coffee to talk because she missed me. That was the moment I fell apart. I am not ashamed to admit I cried all night.
I never got a chance to say goodbye to her, and I regret every chance we could've spent together but didn't. Life is too short to get caught up in petty bullshit. I miss Tara every single day and while I don't mention her much, I think about her. Hoping she somehow knows I'm sorry. Mostly I wish she would just show up, no questions asked, at my door and make me go to Tim Hortons with her.
So....I changed my mind. I still don't want to say goodbye, I will just smile and know somewhere she is keeping an eye on me. Giving me dirty looks when I eat 7-11 hot dogs, complaining her feet are cold and I can't involuntarily warm them up like I used to.
I miss you a lot Tarbear!
Sunday, 20 October 2013
How to lose my vote in 4 months
Well, another civic election tomorrow....has it been 3 years since longtime Alderman Ric McIver, CFCN anchor Barb Higgins and some unknown guy named Naheed Nenshi went toe to toe. I voted for McIver, myself, primarily because of his civic experience. In hindsight Nenshi probably won BECAUSE of his lack of experience. He represented change. Did it mean we could tell everyone who would listen that we were progressive? Maybe. It didn't hurt that late in the election he received a surprising endorsement from the Calgary Sun, which undoubtedly played a hand in some voters giving him a listen and liking what they heard.
Flash forward to June of this year. A lot of Nenshi's policies got under my (and a lot of people's) skin. I follow him on Twitter and enjoy his "give as good as he gets" approach to hecklers. I found him an entertaining guy, if not a spectacular mayor. In June, we had a major flood, and Nenshi did what any leader should do in his position, and, to his credit, he did it right. He took charge, worked tirelessly, and became a booster of a town that needed one. By the end of June, just as we were picking up the pieces of our damaged City Centre, Nenshi emerged as a superhero. Its cynical to assume that Nenshi put on the Superman costume and "saved the day" knowing that an election was looming, but to think it wasn't at least part of it would be naive. As bad as it sounds, the flood was a terrible day for Calgarians but a great day for the Nenshi administration.
Even if I call bullshit on some of his heroics(and yes I know I sang his praises at the time as well), that's not what soured me to him. Hell, he's just doing what any politician would do, and if I were mayor I would probably have done the same. No, its just a case of one good deed, doesn't cancel out several bad ones. Riding on a wave of good will here is what our busy mayor has done in 2013:
-Raised property taxes exponentially. Owning property in Calgary is hard enough, given the volatile market, but if you add unreasonably increased taxes on top of that, you just make more people looking to sell out and move to neighboring towns.
-Decided for us that keeping the 52 million dollars promised back to us as taxpayers was the right thing to do, given our circumstances. I would buy that if the end bill of the flood damage is provincial, not civic. So where is this money going? Nenshi has officially became that friend who owes you money but constantly makes excuses not to pay it back.
-After a heated twitter fight (yes, a twitter fight) between Nenshi and Ezra Levant went way too far, Nenshi "just kidding but not really" asked when Levant stopped beating his wife. I don't care for Ezra Levant, in fact I like Nenshi a lot more than I like him, but that was a lowclass, meanspirited unsubstantiated jab that is inexcusable, especially from the Mayor of the third largest city in Canada. Domestic violence has always been kind of a berserk button for me, so even jokingly I didn't see the humour in it and I lost a lot of respect for Nenshi over it. He has since apologized, more that his "good natured jab was taken out of context" than of actually being hurtful to Levant and his family.
I've heard people compare Nenshi to everyone from Rudy Gulliani to Barack Obama. To me, he reminds me more of Mayor Quimby from The Simpsons. Shake your hand with one hand and pick your pocket with the next.
Kind of ironically enough, the front page story of the Calgary Sun is an article explaining why they do not endorse Nenshi in this election. I already voted in the Advance Vote, so I didn't need to read the article, but lets just say the guy who didn't get my vote in 2010 also didn't get it in 2013.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)